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Freddy Lauren Collins Woman at Another Table Solla Park Min-Ju Jonathan Kim Korean Student 1 John Koo Korean Student 2 Seth Mohan Vijay Kayla Lakhani Beena Glen McDonald Larry Danielle Bourgon Sheila Tony Nappo Charlie Chai Valladares Valet Martin Roach Officer Poveda Lamorne Morris Officer Jameson Ishan Morris Thug 1 as Ish Morris Jeremy Raymond Thug 2 Chris LeBlanc Thug 3 Debra Wilson Lars voice Kari Wahlgren Jojo voice Andrew Morgado Fleck voice Michael Yurchak Bjorn voice Jessica Lowe Mina voice Steven Van Zandt Wolfie Marc Ribler Dusty Stan Harrison Cellmate on Horn 1 Clark Gayton Cellmate on Horn 2 Ravi Best Cellmate on Horn 3 Ron Tooley Cellmate on Horn 4 Eddie Manion Cellmate on Horn 5 Anthony Almonte Cellmate on Percussion Jack Daley Cellmate on Bass Andy Burton Cellmate on Organ Lowell 'Banana' Levinger Drunk on Piano Richard Mercurio Drunk on Drums Maureen Van Zandt Party Girl on Tambourine Sara Devine Party Girl 1 Tania Jones Party Girl 2 JaQuita May Party Girl 3 Jeff Teravainen Vincent Elizabeth Phoenix Caro Alicia Sanchez Goldie Hawn Claus Rest of cast listed alphabetically: Paul Almeida Police Officer uncredited Mark Falvo Police Officer uncredited Derek Herd Drunk at Bar uncredited Elena Khan Andrew Anna Barnathan Chris Columbus David Guggenheim Karen Swallow Russell Colin Penman Russell Sondra Treilhard Unit Production Manager Betsy Megel Character Designer Guy Davis Character Designer Craig Shoji Talbert, isn't the most ambitious movie on this list, but it understands the way families bicker, tease, and ultimately come together over the holiday season.

Danny Glover anchors the proceedings as the family's grieving patriarch, giving the movie a melancholy tinge, which allows scene-stealers like Mo'Nique, Romany Malco, and J. Smoove to sugarcoat the story with jokes. In one, she's a put-upon everywoman thrust into an absurd, convoluted action movie scenario. In the other, she's a put-upon everywoman thrust into an absurd, convoluted romantic comedy scenario. She adapts to both. Also, one is about a bus, and the other is about a train. But only one of these films -- specifically, the one where Bullock's character pretends to be engaged to a man in a coma Peter Gallagher and then falls in love with his charming brother Bill Pullman -- is also a stealth Christmas movie.

What can't she do? Praise Sandra Bullock, bringer of holiday amnesia comedy cheer. Don't worry -- we didn't forget about the original. But we have to shout out to a sequel that probably would have been a disaster if not for writer John Hughes, who drops Kevin McCallister in the Big Apple for a completely different taste of the holiday season. The magic of a New York December is on full display as Kevin shacks up at the Plaza Hotel, torments Tim Curry's bellhop, runs into the future President of the United States, convinced a generation to invest in voice-alteration technology, and saved a toy store by once again foiling the Wet Bandits.

Home Alone 2 is the right amount of "more of the same" -- gangster movie sound bites, massive amounts of junk food, booby traps galore -- and fresh, coming-of-age detailing. Like his Christmas Carol , director Robert Zemeckis rendered Chris Van Allsburg's illustrated children's classic, a dazzling mix of surrealism and 20th-century Romantic art, for a three-dimensional canvas.

Through the magic of motion-capture, Tom Hanks stars as The Boy, the Train Conductor, and Santa Claus, who all suffer from the Uncanny Valley mistiness, but beam with excitement and cheer. The Polar Express is basically a tech display for Zemeckis's new toys, but since when is Christmas not about the decorations? Elizabeth Barbara Stanwyck is a revered food columnist who spins yarns of her white-picket-fence existence in Connecticut with a loving husband and newborn.

But when her boss tasks her with hosting a Christmas dinner for a returning soldier Dennis Morgan , her actual status as a single New Yorker puts her in a precarious and sitcom-ready position.

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Christmas in Connecticut gift wraps criss-crossed relationships, gender dynamics, and burning desire into a romantic, holiday romp. Stanwyck and Morgan require no mistletoe to conjure their endlessly watchable chemistry. If this were a list of the best psycho-sexual odysessy films, Eyes Wide Shut would definitely be sitting in the top spot. At the same time, the last scene of marital reconciliation does play out during a light-strewn shopping trip. It's the most mind-bending, brooding, orgy-filled Christmas movie ever made. Humphrey Bogart, Aldo Ray, and Peter Ustinov star in this gleefully absurd, yuletide tale about three criminals who break out of jail a few days before Christmas only to become live-in, fix-it guys for an impoverished family and their picturesque corner store.

Michael Curtiz, who directed Bogart in Casablanca and helmed White Christmas just the year before, keeps this paradise escapade light on its feet. Dwell on the fact that the three "wise men" lie, cheat, and steal their way to holiday harmony, and We're No Angels loses all its charm. Indulge in Bogart's old-fashioned charm and Curtiz's Technicolor redemption, and you may have new required viewing.

Carol is as exquisite as a shiny new ornament removed from the box. Writer Phyllis Nagy adapted Patricia Highsmith's novel The Price of Salt for director Todd Haynes, who bathes each image of seduction and enchantment in an otherworldly glow. The visual approach puts you in the mind of Therese Belivet, a young department store employee played by Rooney Mara, as she falls under the spell of the titular Carol Cate Blanchett.

Crack in the Ground, Christmas Valley, Oregon (Wiggins Tech)

Just don't get too close to the flame. The two main characters in Tangerine -- Sin-Dee Rella Kitana Kiki Rodriguez and Alexandra Mya Taylor -- have the type of kinetic, exhilarating, and occasionally lurid day centered around a Hollywood donut shop that would make Quentin Tarantino's head spin off. That it takes place on Christmas Eve -- well, that's just icing on the donut.

For many, Christmas is about friendships that serve the same purpose as family, and director Sean Baker's stylistic whirlwind of a movie is a bracing study of how those relationships sustain people in times of emotional crisis, violence, and reconciliation. Its final scene of two trans women quietly enjoying each others company in a laundromat is a genuine Christmas miracle.


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Turns out the only thing more threatening to Ernest P. Worrell's life than sticking two fingers into an electrical socket is the Kentucky fried nincompoop placing his entire hand into Santa's magic bag. This mandatory Christmas adventure finds Ernest and Mr. Claus on a mission to retrieve the powerful gift-giving knapsack.

White Christmas is the fruitcake of Christmas movies: a holiday standard that you either love or hate. The musical sequences -- including the stirring rendition of the Irving Berlin-penned title track and the charming "Sisters" -- are spectacular. What's not to like? Well, the plot, dialogue, and characters are paper-thin, but the film's minute running time is the perfect sedative for anyone too excited to sleep on Christmas Eve.

Denzel Washington isn't known for his comedies -- the Oscar winner's long career is packed with bullet-ridden action movies and tough-minded dramas -- but he's more than capable of delivering light-hearted laughs when called upon by the Lord. Washington is a delight as a dapper angel named Dudley summoned to New York to rekindle a sparkless marriage between Whitney Houston's choir singer and Courtney B. Vance's pastor. The story, updated from 's The Bishop's Wife starring Cary Grant, might feel a little hokey, but the performances and the showstopping gospel numbers give this fairytale a holy glow.

Writer-director Richard Curtis Notting Hill specializes in tart-tongued retorts, silly verbal gags, and witty banter, which help leaven some of the movie's cheesy sentimentality. Be warned: This is the only movie on this list that boasts a claymation character exposing its genitals. In the third installment of this underrated comedy series, stoner buddies Harold John Cho and Kumar Kal Penn go on another Homeric quest, this time looking for a new Christmas tree to please Harold's pissed-off father-in-law Danny Trejo , which means more sly social commentary slipped in among hefty helpings of gross-out gags, weed jokes, and vulgar Neil Patrick Harris cameos.

It just might be the sticky-icky strain you're fiending for this holiday season. Also, shout-out to WaffleBot , the funniest holiday robot of all time. What if Santa was real and buried in a mass grave somewhere in Finland? That's the bizarre and hilarious question posed by director Jalmari Helander in this whimsical horror romp about a young boy Onni Tommila and his reindeer-herding father Jorma Tommila , who investigate a mysterious mountain-excavation company and wind up in over their heads.

Packed with winking John Carpenter references, bursts of gun-churning violence, and a surprising amount of older male nudity, the movie occasionally struggles to nail its anarchic, storybook tone down the home stretch, but it's more than worth a post-milk-and-cookies viewing. He doesn't like kids; he lives a life of decadent luxury; he seduces and discards vulnerable women; and he rejects Christmas cheer, a scorn he's carried ever since his father penned the joyfully tacky novelty hit " Santa's Super Sleigh.

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Watching Grant's heart grow a couple sizes has never been this fun, and a moving supporting turn from Toni Collette -- along with a sneaky-great Badly Drawn Boy soundtrack -- make this essential droll holiday viewing. In a brutal one-star review of Scrooged , critic Roger Ebert called this Dickens update "one of the most disquieting, unsettling films to come along in quite some time. Is Bill Murray why some families return to this proudly rude holiday movie every year? Put your love for the confectionary remake behind you: Laurel and Hardy's black-and-white original is where it's at.

With enough holiday DNA -- the duo play fairytale dolts who build toys for Santa, and the overt connections end there -- and toys to fill a forest of Christmas trees, the musical sings, dances, and slapticks through a magnificent fantasy world, made all the more surreal by the blend of live action and animation.

Why does a Mickey Mouse seizure on the dance floor while a cat gawks and plays the fiddle in this movie?

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Just go with it. In , director Bob Clark made holiday-movie history with A Christmas Story , a hilarious, sweet, and nostalgic slice of Americana with just enough rough edges to keep audiences watching every year on cable. But real Christmas-movie fans know that Clark also helmed this brilliant bit of '70s slasher heaven about a murderer running rampant at a sorority holiday party.

No one gets their eye shot out with a BB gun, but there's plenty of Christmas carnage to be found here. Casting tough-guy Robert Mitchum in a lighthearted Christmas movie might sound counterintuitive, but keep in mind this is a lighthearted Christmas movie about economic hardship, war widows, and extramarital affairs. Mitchum plays Steve, a drifter who falls hard for the soon-to-be-married Connie Janet Leigh. True compassion, as Steve displays and Connie realizes, is spending your last dime on a Christmas gift for a kid you barely know.

It's Christmas with the preppies in Whit Stillman's satirical examination of puerile Manhattanites coasting through young adulthood. Like he does in 's underrated Love and Friendship , the writer and director chronicles the social-climbing, romantic foibles, and petty skirmishes of the wealthy and the pretending-to-be-wealthy with mischievous glee.


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With '90s indie star Chris Eigeman delivering lines like, "It's a tiny bit arrogant of people to go around worrying about those less fortunate" and "I'm not tiresome," the film mocks its tone-deaf heroes while still inspiring you to root for them. It's yuppie Christmas heaven. This Bing Crosby-Fred Astaire musical debuted Irving Berlin's "White Christmas" before the composer repurposed it for the film of the same name -- so points there.

Detroit Christmas

But Holiday Inn is also the rare movie that depicts Christmas as the year's decrescendo. The musical acts at the "Holiday Inn," where Crosby and Astaire's characters put on Valentine's, Easter, and Fourth of July shows, begin and end with Christmas, a respite from shitstorms that's oh so relatable. It's surprising more sequels don't take the same approach as The Best Man Holiday : The characters you liked from the first movie get together over the holidays and just hang out. The plot is a sudsy mix of romance, secrets, and disease, but the movie floats along on the chemistry of the cast and the surprising poignancy of seeing them together again.

Really, they should seriously make one every 10 years. This French-British-German mixed-language film finds warmth in the trenches of World War I, chronicling the life truce that occurred in December Against the odds, and the wishes of high-ranking officers, troops put down their weapons to turn the German frontlines into one big no man's land. The married couple in this pitch-black comedy, played by Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis, could be the most unpleasant romantic pairing in any Christmas movie ever.

Detroit Christmas (Audiobook) by Larry Correia | olagynulehyb.gq

They'll make you appreciate your own irritating relatives. When the two are taken hostage by a roguish thief Denis Leary, hot off his No Cure for Cancer stand-up special , the film gets even more acerbic and nasty, culminating in a farcical dinner scene that will have you coming back for seconds. Just make sure to watch this one after the kids go to bed. At minutes, director Arnaud Desplechin's A Christmas Tale is longer than even the hardiest holiday meal.

But this melancholy French drama earns every second of its lengthy run time by delving deep into the fractured dynamics of the Vuillard family, a messy clan of clashing egos led by Catherine Deneuve's sly matriarch Junon. Few films capture the peculiar intimacy of adult siblings returning to their childhood homes, often with unruly romantic partners and barely concealed chemical dependencies, with such clarity, compassion, and humor. It's a sprawling, brainy delight.

Aardman, the company known for claymation movies like Wallace and Gromit and Chicken Run , tried its hand at Pixar-style computer animation only once. Arthur Christmas didn't click with American audiences, who missed a compassionate, cheeky story of Santa's black-sheep son rising to the occasion of the Claus business. In the movie, Santa's workshop is stuck between technological advancement and Luddite tradition. Arthur is the only one with an ounce of Christmas spirit left -- and the vision to merge his familial factions. With great action, lush visuals, and a British sense of humor, Arthur Christmas is a modern gem that ranks among the best.

In a post-Furby world, it's easy to forget how creepy director Joe Dante's much-imitated creature feature can be. Yeah, Gizmo is very cute, but the gremlins themselves are terrifying little monsters that wreak gleeful havoc, attempting to kill Billy's mom before getting the brutal Pop-Tart execution.

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Thanks to a clever script by future Home Alone director Christopher Columbus, the move has the wit, mayhem, and sense of mischief that distinguished Steven Spielberg's Amblin Entertainment in the '80s, an aesthetic that recent movies like Jurassic World have attempted to revitalize with mixed results. As it turns out, nothing beats the original -- just don't watch this thing after midnight. With apologies to the Wild Hogs fans out there, Tim Allen has never really found his rhythm as an on-camera movie star. As a divorced ad executive who must take on the role of Santa after the big guy falls from his roof, the Home Improvement star brings enough playful grunts, wry incredulity, and genuine cheer to the role to elevate this above kiddie movie schmaltz.

If you don't laugh when supporting star Judge Reinhold finally receives his weenie whistle , ask Santa for a new funny bone next year. With snickers and sorrow, the story of Alfred James Stewart , a leather salesman, and Klara Margaret Sullavan , the co-worker he can't stand and the secret metaphor he's fallen head over heels for, unwraps with a certain wintery stillness that's missing from most Yuletide offerings. A movie that'll make you pick up a pen and paper and send your loved ones snail mail.

This John Landis-directed comedy isn't the most "Christmasy" movie on this list, but a madcap tone -- and a Santa costume for the ages -- makes it ideal Yuletide viewing. Vincente Minnelli's Technicolor musical would earn a spot on this list even if it were just a two-hour loop of Judy Garland singing " Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. In following a Missouri family gearing up for the World's Fair, the story casts a nostalgic hue on the dawn of the 20th century in the same way films today gaze back at the '50s and '60s.

It's a snow-globe kind of movie, perfect to marvel at when the fire's roaring in the background. Is there a more quotable Christmas movie? This film's script, written by Crazy Stupid Love 's Glenn Ficarra and John Requa with uncredited punch-ups from the Coen brothers is a master class in baroque profanity, brutal put-downs, and wanton cruelty.

But what makes it come to life is the sense of mischief and melancholy Billy Bob Thornton brings to his down-on-his-luck Santa character. No other actor could make, "You ain't gonna shit right for a week" into such wonderful holiday poetry. Chevy Chase's Clark struggles mightily here -- to make his house the best-lighted one on the planet, to nab his year-end bonus, to fix the newel post, to keep cousin Eddie at bay, and on and on -- but his travails remind viewers that investing too deeply in Christmastime commerce can result in nerve damage. Wrapping smarmy jokes inside sitcommy wrapping paper, the third Vacation movie owns its position on the naughty list.

If you spend your time debating whether Tim Burton and Henry Selick's macabre, stop-motion cartoon is a "Halloween movie" or a "Christmas movie," you'll overlook the celebratory message that proves why it's both. Crossing over from his world, a ghoulish nightmare stuck in perpetual trick-or-treat mode, into the snow-caked Christmas Town, convinces Jack Skellington that there's a "right" way to live.